ROSS A. LAIRD

Within the culture of youth there exists a belief that marijuana is harmless, or even beneficial. The argument is straightforward: if kids are using pot, instead of alcohol or cocaine, they are less likely to become violent or to pass out in the park at night in winter. Or to drive a car into a utility pole with such speed that the car is sliced in half, and the passengers are ejected, and the best friend of the driver is killed but the driver herself, who is blind drunk and knocked senseless, survives with hardly a scratch (as happened to one of my former students, the driver). The pot smoker, so goes the argument, is almost immune to these risks, is involved in a healthy harm-reduction and stress management strategy.

After a public presentation on addictions a mother approached me, in that familiar way — hushed, conspiratorial, a sliver of shame buried in the hopefulness of her manner — what she can do about her son. Her boy is fifteen, plays online games for countless hours each week, hides himself in his locked room, screams at her when she tries to enter, seldom attends school, and seems to be sliding ever farther from her. She is terrified that he will simply forget everything and everyone, will become a ghost, and will disappear. She has heard these stories, and the many others that twist within her. And she is terrified. But she knows that most people will blame her for what has happened — her parenting must be at fault, they will say — so she downplays, even to herself, the seriousness of her son's predicament.

Parents, educators, counsellors, and all those who spend time with children and adolescents typically exert great effort to understand and empathize with the cultures of substance use. But the cultures of technology remain foreign, strange, and uninviting. We should try to change this.

Technology addictions obey the same principles as substance addictions; that is to say, the addiction involves uncompleted impulses and fractured imprinting typically derived from childhood experience (this is not universally the case, but is almost universally the case). The nature of the addiction involves the way in which the addiction completes, temporarily, the unfinished imprinting. The more childhood difficulty an individual experiences, the more likely the individual is to seek multiple substances in adolescence.

The absence of mentorship for adolescents is the most serious problem in our society today. Absence of mentorship is a primary cause of the addictions problem among both youth and adults, the suicide problem among youth, the homelessness problem in youth and adults, and the depression and anxiety problem of many people. Technology addictions often involve false mentorship.

The essential goal of adolescent mentorship is twofold: to assist youth in completing the incomplete or fragmented nervous system imprinting from childhood, and to assist youth in expanding their range of choice of action through recognizing and broadening nervous system habits. The activities and practices listed below are designed to accomplish both of those aims. The task of the mentor is to discover which blend of activities is most required, and to participate with youth in the completion of those activities. We learn not just by thinking and talking but also by doing, by using the body as an instrument of our development and healing.

An argument can be made that most psychological difficulties and many disabilities are caused by, or associated with, trauma (addictions are probably the best example, with depression a close second). An effective mentor must be aware of this and respond appropriately.

Conflict is inherent and healthy for organizations and families. Working through conflict is one of the most important (perhaps the most important) social and mentorship skill to possess. Here are a few suggestions for understanding and applying basic principles and strategies for conflict. These strategies are grouped by the depth and complexity of the conflict, from easiest to most difficult.